A Low Low

I'm deep in a depressive episode. Nothing is helping. I have never watched so much tv. Just muscling through doesn't feel like it's going to work this time. Fake it until you make it, I don't think so.

There are so many things I want to do, but I just sit. Paralyzed.
I don't game
I don't code
I don't run
I don't model
I don't plan for the farm
I don't read

Is it depression, or am I just lazy. Do I need to accept the fact that I don't have what it takes to be any more than this?

I think about all the talk about cluttered life, and I see the clutter closing in on me. Junk falls onto my keyboards, I barely have enough room to move my mouse. Do I need to clean up? Will it matter?
IDK I doubt it. Nothing else seems to make a difference.

I read a book "Depression Hates a Moving Target"
It actually inspired me a little, which is saying something. These types of book usually don't resonate with me at all.
But
The other side of the coin is that this book made me feel like I can't even do depression and anxiety right. As I read about what the author went through I felt like my issues are nothing. So if they are nothing, why are the affecting me? Because I am weak and worthless. I'm not "really" depressed, so I must just be lazy. If I was really depressed I wouldn't be able to get our of bed. If I had real anxiety, I wouldn't be able to leave the house. But I do all that stuff.
 I call myself a functional depressent. I don't think that's a thing, but it is for me. I liken it to being a functional alcoholic. Sure they may drink too much, but not enough for anyone to notice. Not enough for anyone to care. But enough to destroy my life, and the lives of people around me.

I don't know that these things are, how to talk about them, how to address them.
So I just plod along and wait for this low low to get better. And do it all over again.